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Archive for January, 2014|Monthly archive page

I Am a Bad Sports Fan, and You Probably are Too

In Uncategorized on January 21, 2014 at 10:21 pm

Let me be clear about something before we get into the meat of this post. I like talking sports with people and have been lucky enough to know and follow some of the smartest and funniest people that follow the sports I enjoy. That said, for the fun ones to talk to and follow, the majority of sports fans are a very fickle and a general pain in the ass to read either on Twitter or the comment section of your favorite blog.

Except this one. No one comments on my posts because they’re too busy agreeing with me apparently.

I had a discussion with a friend of mine not long ago and the topic of fandom was brought up. I was asked if it was acceptable to have more than one favorite team. My response was a simple one; absolutely not. I was satisfied with my response until I was reminded of my slight cheering interest for the Kansas City Royals despite being a Cubs fan. In other words, I live in baseball hell.

I tried to rationalize given where I was born and that the two teams are in separate leagues. My friend was not buying the excuse and dropped maybe the best piece of advice for fans of any team.

“I believe in the concept of if you love your team the way you’re supposed to, you don’t have time for another one. If you have two, both aren’t getting the love they deserve. So you’re a bad fan. Treat your team like you would your significant other and love them unconditionally. Times might be tough over the years, but you get out of it what you put in. If you have a brain, you should know what you love. Your team is special and you want them with you forever. Having a second favorite team is like kissingĀ  your hot, faithful sweet girlfriend and walking out the door to go to a dirty motel and snort coke off the ass of a filthy hooker. Real fans don’t do this.”

I hadn’t ever thought about it that way and I immediately wanted to burn everything I owned that didn’t involve my favorite teams, my alma mater or my place of employment. Granted, that would never happen because that’s a shit-ton of money going up in smoke, but it makes you think, yes?

It’s not difficult. Pick a team, stick with them and wish for every other team in your favorite league to lose every single game. Nothing destroys your credibility as a fan of a sport than telling someone you have a second/third/fourth favorite team. If you have a reason to like a second team, it better be because you have a family member in the organization or your old team re-located. I have been guilty of this offense before and still am to an extent. I’m working on fixing that.

Want to cheer for players? Go right ahead. The players I cheer for in hockey can do great things and provide me with hours of entertainment. As long as they put up bagels when they play the Sharks.

If you’re new to a sport, there’s nothing that says you have to cheer for the team located closest to you. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re a grown ass adult so you can cheer for whoever your little heart desires. But if you flip-flop because the team you picked sucks, you should be strapped to a rocket and fired into the sun.

And hey, if you’re in the group that picks one team in a sport and tells everyone else to piss off, I raise my challis to you.

There is no science to being a perfect fan. Lord knows I’m not. But having four favorite teams to cheer for in the same sport is a criminal offense.

There are plenty other areas of shitty fandoms I could hit on, but I’m lazy and there’s hockey to watch. So I leave you with this:

Go Sharks.
Go Cubs.
Go Hawkeyes.
Go Chiefs.
Go Bulls.
Go ‘Necks

To all the other teams, I hate you.

RT, out

If you disagree, follow me on Twitter @rthomas_22, and try to reason with me. Good luck.

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